Welcome to the Dear Brittany Show. This is a podcast where you'll hear everything I always want to say and everything we're all thinking. I know it's you too, so get ready for a raw slice of reality.

 

I am your host, Brittany Krystantos, and I am an author, speaker, mental health advocate, and host of a mental health series. I am very proud to say I have made an impact on the mental health of others for a decade now. Ask me, talk to me, tell me what we need to figure out for you.

 

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I'm excited. It's a party. It's a girl vibe party right now.

 

Okay, everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Dear Brittany podcast where we're going to be diving into confidence and empowerment with our girl Giselle and we have Nikki Steele. Yeah, so we're going to be talking about how Giselle went from being a dancer to a model and everything with your journey of confidence and honestly what we're dying to know is how to channel your inner confidence and own the runway and in life. Okay, Giselle, you need to like give us a little, Nikki, give us a little like teaching of like how do you pose, you know? Yes, I am always, you know.

 

Well, you know what? It's not really posing because if you're posing, just like when you're acting, if you're acting, you're not doing it right. If you're posing, you're not doing it right. So it needs to be natural.

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It's all natural and it's a feeling and a vibe all from within and whatever like you want to channel if you're like, okay, right now I'm rocking a designer look that's from the 1950's. You channel that 1950's poise and that demure way the women were back then and yeah, just channel that and love it. I love it.

 

Nikki just put her in her mouth. What is that supposed to be? That's like an old Marilyn Monroe. See, I was feeling it. Giselle, I was feeling it. I felt the energy. You're channeling Marilyn Monroe.

 

But yeah, it's a vibe. It's a feeling. If you're like that whole thing, like when I did America's Next Top Model, there was a comment that one of the, I don't remember.

 

Oh yeah, it was a comment one of the photographers we were working with made about me saying, oh, you could tell she's one of those girls who used to practice posing in the mirror. A, I never did that. I used to practice my Oscar winning acceptance speeches in the mirror.

 

Of course. I think all ladies do, yes? Right? But yes to that. And I was like, no, I don't know.

 

No, it's just, I just felt like whatever inner animal or sexiness or whatever it is that you want to exude, you just bring it. That's what I did. And I had to.

 

In a bathing suit on the rooftop, skyscrapers here when we did that shot, I had to bring something else. If I was just thinking about posing, I would have died. So what was that experience like on Next Top Model? I mean, I can't even imagine being there and being part of that.

 

Did you find that it was, I don't know, more than challenging, difficult to go through, hard on you, mentally straining and draining? Nikki, I could probably talk about this for days because there's so many different aspects to it. First of all, I was a very young girl. I hadn't ever even been on a plane.

 

I'm from Los Angeles, California. From the moment I auditioned, which I did it separately from all the other girls. If you notice in the very first episode, I wasn't even in the first half of the show because it was all about the nationwide search and they had these cattle calls.

 

I didn't do that. They found me from a headshot and brought me in last minute with another girl. And I had four days to prepare to leave from LA to New York.

 

When they say like overnight, it was literally overnight. It was very stressful. I had to have a passport.

 

My mom couldn't find my birth certificate, all these things. But anyway, there was the travel aspect. There was my age.

 

There was the being by myself. There was the dynamic of being with a bunch of girls. There was the performance part of it, the television part of it.

 

We were in the early days of reality TV. We were the pioneers who franchised that entire show. That was like one of the first shows that came on.

 

Yeah, it was like right after Real World. We were like the first competition show. Yeah.

 

Because American Idol, I know, I don't know if it came. It was like right around the same time, but American Idol was like the next thing. But so there was all of that.

 

Then there was like, then the model, then the judging aspect. And so it was a lot. But for me, at the time, I really did.

 

They painted me as someone who didn't have confidence on the show. And I have a reason for that. I know why they did it.

 

Because it's inside stuff that people don't know. And I try to talk about it every time I have interviews. Because A, I want to shed light and show my truth.

 

And B, show what editing and what they do behind the scenes. Actually, it does. But I went there with a lot of confidence.

 

And I was super excited. And really, honestly, I just wanted to be on TV. Right, right.

 

So I was like, yeah. Who doesn't want to be on TV? Right. But I can only imagine the stress it was with all the females there.

 

I sometimes feel like, well, so many females don't want to support female support female, women support female. And being on a show with all these different girls with their skinny bodies, you know what I mean? Like, trying to look like the best. Like, that must feel like so stressful.

 

Because like, that's not, doesn't seem like your character. You're like, I feel like you're like a woman support woman kind of girl. Yeah.

 

And like, I can't imagine like, being in that environment. Like, that's so stressful, especially at a young age. Yeah, you know, we were a group of pretty headstrong girls.

 

I mean, that's how they like to cast and put them all together that way, because it's more drama. We actually got along fairly well for a while until it was too boring for producers. So then they started in our interviews, our one on ones to kind of like, start problems.

 

Produce the show. Start problems. Exactly.

 

So they would start issues, and you would start commenting on things. And then they would have that comment play. And I got you.

 

So they were playing you against each other. And and then they start the problem.

 

That's that's hard to be young and living in a house with a constant undertow of, you know, that feeling that that air, that black cloud, you know, not good, not good. That's not good for mental health. It really did. You want to have the whole mental health, which I love what you're doing, you guys with mental health awareness and how you're making these conversations out there, but also fun at the same time.

 

So I appreciate what you're doing. And it's one of the reasons why I wanted to get on here, because a lot a lot of things with that show. When I left there, I was completely self-defeated.

 

There's a reason why they have psychologists. You have to go through a psychological test before and after. Wow.

 

And after. To see if you're OK and that you're not going to go through yourself out the window. They can release you.

 

They can release you back into the world. Wow. That's huge.

 

And how do you do that? How do you go from also getting a taste of of fame and, you know, being put out there like that? I had billboards of me all over Sunset Boulevard and in Times Square. And I still had to pretend before it aired. We had everything was hush hush.

 

I had to go back to working at Disney in parades and go back to school and act like nothing when I had already experienced this other life. Right. And then it airs.

 

Right. And then you're thrown into interviews and this and that and yada yada. And then you're back into it again.

 

Yeah. So it's a roller coaster. And then they already like whipped you.

 

Right. So now you're like, well, wait, am I am I deserving of this or am I not? Like, am I good enough or am I not? So you're putting up this front to go do what you have to do to promote the show. And but then you have all this internal turmoil of, you know, what you didn't like.

 

I'm promoting this and trying to talk about it, but I can't really talk about it. And I have to show it in a good way. And you guys said all these horrible things about me.

 

And, you know, none of this stuff you can get away with now. Yeah, that's what you have to be their best friends. And you have to have everything smooth and easy.

 

And even though you're struggling in back and forth, back and forth, that's hard. It's very hard. There's a noise on our computer here on our side.

 

I hear it now. We're trying to fix it. But sorry about that.

 

We don't know where this is coming from. Maybe it's the remnants of the hurricane. Where are you guys? We're in Toronto, Canada.

 

But my mother lives in Florida. Excuse me, Florida. And, you know, she died in the closet because that's what they told her to do.

 

So it's remnant from the hurricane. We're getting the noise. Sorry about it.

 

Here in Canada, I'm still getting the remnants. I love it. My mother, my mother, the noise is gone.

 

Yes. She fixed the noise. Okay.

 

Gone. Yeah. It comes back sometimes.

 

If it comes back, then, you know, it's Leslie, my mother. So what were you saying? Well, okay. So I wanted to step back for a second because you said something really important about mental health.

 

And mental health is really important to me being that, you know, I've struggled mental health and my work is mental. And I just want to talk about, you know, what are some things that you did to help your mental health after the show? Because I can only imagine, even from the things you just said to us, how hard that was from being on a show that stressed you out mentally, then going home to working again to then the show coming out airing. And then you're in that zone in your mind again. And then it's like, it goes away after this new season comes out.

 

And then you're like, okay, who am I? Like, what am I supposed to do? So like, what are some like things you did for your mental health or your confidence even? So when my show came out, mental health still wasn't really talked about. So I didn't do anything for the longest time.

 

I tried to stay busy. When I look back at it, I'm thinking this is what I was doing. I tried to stay busy.

 

I was always a dancer. So I stayed in the dance world and was performing with them, which, you know, boosts your confidence when you're able to perform and you're getting that instant gratification when you do performance live in front of people and you hear that applause and blah, blah, blah, blah. And you have your camaraderie with other performers.

 

But I actually didn't know for a very long time that I was struggling mentally from what I was told on that show from the judges and everything that went there and specifically one judge. But just over time when I realized, wow, this really did impact my self-confidence a lot. Boy, I'm still doing it.

 

Like, I went from, you know, getting back into the church to doing meditation, to doing sound baths, to trying therapy, to even going as far as to, you know, carrying around a picture of me when I was a little girl and talking to that little girl and telling her that she is amazing and awesome. And then the other thing is in our line of business of entertainment or performance, whether it is, you know, anything creative that you put yourself out there. Absolutely.

 

Always struggle with, are we good enough? Right. So I had to tell my little self and reminder, look at all the things you have accomplished because in my brain I'm a loser and I've never done anything great. Right.

 

I'm not good enough like ever. And then it's like, oh, what? I'm going to accomplish that. Then you accomplish it.

 

And then, and then you get that high. It's almost like, it's like an addiction. It's a drug.

 

It's like a hit of dopamine every time. So you get that hit of dopamine and then you continue on and you search for that hit again. Dopamine is a rush.

 

It's a, it's a, it's a hormone, I think. Yeah. It's, it's a, it's a, uh, remember your brain.

 

Yeah. It's something that's whenever, if you like, like any, when you eat a piece of chocolate for yourself, it's dopamine. You eat a piece of dessert or, and it, you get that euphoria.

 

You take a shot of tequila. I don't know. You know, whatever, whatever it is for the person where you get that, like, oh, this is so good.

 

I am getting like my monthly cycle. This is TMI right now. And I'm feeling so mean today, Giselle.

 

I'm feeling like angry. And I don't know why, like, I'm with you girl. Do you ever just wake up and you're like, oh, I can't take this today.

 

I looked at her. I go a little mean today. Huh? A little mean today.

 

Yeah. I'm 50. So I don't have that anymore because I had, I had that all taken out.

 

That's it. I was like, why are you looking at me right now? She's like, oh my God. I'll tell you though.

 

I'll tell you that the hit of dopamine, I was doing comedy for three years, stand up comedy on stage. And that hit of dopamine is unbelievable. So if you're getting that hit, then you crave the next hit.

 

But in between, if you're not doing anything creative and you're not getting that hit, you're searching for it. And then you're feeling bad that you're not getting it. It's very strange.

 

So I kind of understand what you're talking about. I get it too. Yeah.

 

Like it happened to me recently. Like last year I interviewed like the prime minister. It was this high, like, oh wow, I did this right.

 

And then I come back home after the plane, like I was on the plane and I came back to Toronto and I was like, I'm like, I'm home. Like, this is like normal again. And then you miss that, like feeling that confident feeling, like being for me, it was like being in that place.

 

And it's going to happen to me right after this, right? Very engaging. And we're talking about a lot of things that are stimulating my mind and, and you, you know, I feel respected by you guys. And then I'll get off the, you know, our podcast recording here and then I'll, you know, walk around and I'll be like, yeah, that was cool.

 

That was so great. They were awesome women. And then an hour later, I'll be like, okay, well now what? We're going to call you on the phone in an hour.

 

Because we don't let anybody slip through our fingers. Nobody's unhappy. We come around when you need us again, no problem.

 

But I'll tell you, I'm loving this, but I will tell you that I can't imagine having the hit of dopamine and then having that judge that would cut you down. And then you hit, hit the dopamine and then the cut down, hit the dopamine cut down. So what I wanted to ask you, and I, I wanted to put this in my aside to make sure I asked you is if you didn't do all the therapy and you didn't do all of the meditation and everything right away and it took time to get there, was it worse when you got there because the time lapsed? Yes, it was.

 

I had, if I'm being completely honest, I had been incredibly self-destructive for so long. I didn't realize it in the moment while doing the things. But when I look back, I'm like, wow, all the decisions I made and yeah.

 

And then, and then that makes you feel even worse about yourself because you're like, why did I do that? You, then you have all this guilt and some shame and, you know, I mean, I mean, I don't think like I did anything. I mean, well, whatever. It's all relative.

 

Right. But to me, there's, there's things that we think about and we go through. I mean, we may not act on them, but it's, it's definitely there.

 

And it's a, it's a, it's a product of what we've gone through. Right. I haven't used it.

 

Well, then now I'm not worthy because now I did that and this, and I'm not the person I thought I was going to be or supposed to be. And everybody thought this of me and I'm not that. So who cares? Just screw it all.

 

You know? Right. Eat a bowl of pasta. I have a question.

 

Cause I'm very, like my mind goes everywhere and I have an actual really crazy question right now that I'll forget in two seconds. Sure. Go ahead.

 

You said dancer, you dance for Michael freaking Jackson. Like what the hell? Tell us about that. I went to Michael Jackson on my father's shoulders with the silver glove on my hand like this yelling.

 

I mean, please, I, I, I got to know about this and you dance for Michael Jackson. Clarify that whole thing. I actually am a bit on the younger side for, you know, like him when he was like touring in the eighties and nineties, I was a child, but there was a point where he was doing his like comeback moment.

 

And then there was another wave when this is it. And those young kids were going to do that. But then he asked so terrible.

 

And I know the feeling. Um, so it all came from top model. Okay.

 

So I was the dancer on the show and essentially I got eliminated from one of the greatest shots I ever did. That's the one everybody remembers. And that's the episode they eliminated me on.

 

Okay. Anyway, so they were like, yeah, you're a dancer and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. So bye.

 

I'm like, okay. Um, so I, my whole modeling and dance, uh, career is sort of merged. I didn't really give up dance.

 

It actually amplified, but I was able to kind of merge it together. So we did a, um, magazine article cover shoot for top model, but in a real magazine. And it was geared towards more of like for gentlemen, men, I guess it was stuff magazine back in the day.

 

I don't know. So anyway, so each of us got a little article piece on us and I, you know, talked about whatever, whatever. And then they were like, what's the craziest thing you ever did.

 

And then I just went on to say, I convinced my best friend to drive us up to Neverland ranch four hours away from where we live, thinking we were just going to walk in there one day. I don't know. And it was ridiculous.

 

And so we're here and why, what were we thinking? I don't know. He read it and then looked into me like who I was. He thought it was hilarious and he felt bad for me.

 

So then he found out that I was the show. Then he found out I was a dancer. So he, um, found my agent or his assistant found my agent.

 

I'm not joking. This is on the true Hollywood story of top model too. Um, called me.

 

I thought it was a prank then. Anyway, uh, I would think it was a prank too. If Michael Jackson, hi, it's Michael.

 

Yeah, it can be a prank. I was like, there's no way this is real. My agents were like, we're just going to pass this information on to you because they called us and this can't be real.

 

I don't know, but you do with it what you will. So I looked into it. I ended up going and I call and then they were like, you can bring someone with you if you want.

 

Cause I wasn't going to be able to anyway. And I was like, well, let me call my best friend. Since she was the one who originally went and dah, dah, dah.

 

So we went up there, hung out at Neverland, you know, did all the things, uh, went into the theater. He was working on a documentary, met him there. Uh, wonderful man, uh, spoke to him for a bit.

 

And then there was a director there, Brett Ratner, who was a director of Russia, the rush hour movies and all of that. And Chris Tucker was there too. And the black guy, no, yeah.

 

Neptune's or black eyed peas. I don't know. There were some people there and we were like, what's going on here.

 

Um, and so then they asked me if I wanted to be the, uh, love interest, uh, for his next music video, that would be a sequel to thriller. That's what that girl, I was going to be that girl. Yeah.

 

Yeah. It was insane. So all of that happened.

 

A bunch of things happened and there was like Vegas. And then I started, um, then there was his birthday coming up in LA. And then, um, that, then that birthday celebration there is I actually then physically did dance and had choreography.

 

The, the, um, the music video never happened because that's when other things happened again to him. And then he left out of the country. So yeah, when those, when those girls or the girls, when those dancers, what, this is it? Like when they were like about to do something great with him and he passed and they weren't able to, I was like, Oh my God, I know exactly how you all feel.

 

Wow. And you met him. Yeah, I met him, hung out with him.

 

Neverland, everything like Las Vegas to Los Angeles. Yeah. Like, yeah, it was very, very lovely guy.

 

And, um, honestly, all he ever really wanted to talk about, he was very eccentric and I could see why he was completely misunderstood. I think, and from what I heard with certain cousins of his that we met also, he was, had social, um, anxiety and like Asperger's a little bit. You know what, looking back now, if you actually look at his videos and just with him in interviews, um, even when he's talking, when he's with Lisa Marie Presley and the way he speaks and everything, you can tell there's something there.

 

He absolutely must have had a mental health issue, some touch of something that he struggled with. Um, and I think he was persecuted for that more than anything. And I felt like there's been interviews where I've seen almost like the interviewer has gone after him just to get him to, it's almost like to break his, um, his way.

 

They want to break his way. And it's like, that's who he is. That's how he talks.

 

That's how he behaves. It seems like he really did have a good heart. Cause he did all this stuff for the kids and give back so much to the community.

 

You don't even see that these days, these celebrities doing that. Do you see like no offense to like Drake or all these people? You don't see people giving back to the kids. And that's what he basically spoke mostly about was just, he was like, save the world, save the children.

 

He was very, that's, he didn't even really talk about it. So I always kept that in my mind. And I was like, I want to do something where it's about spreading love and kindness and unity within our world.

 

So I created this symbolic jewelry line. It's called kiss the world. And that's what it's all about.

 

And I've been doing a lot of, um, art, getting a lot of articles and press and stuff on that. But it stems from that conversation I had with him about it. So yeah, it was all about saving the world and the children.

 

And now with all these things we're hearing, I'm like, Oh my gosh, I get it. It's right. And look where we're at now.

 

Look, look, like, look where I, I, you know, I wonder there's some days I wonder where people like my father passed away, but also like people like Michael Jackson, these kinds of people looking back from, they've been gone for so many years to see what's gone on, to see where we're at technologically and, and, and just where we're at with the world. No, no. But it seems like, um, you know, I was going to ask you who your icons are, who inspire you, who give you that confidence, but it seems like, you know, Michael Jackson was a big role in your life clearly.

 

And you're giving back now and your, your brand's all about saving the world and kissing the world. And, you know, so that is an incredible that you have that God or universe, whatever you believe in spiritually, you know, brought that person into your life for a reason. Absolutely.

 

Yes. I saw, you know, there, you know, some of the talking points we would go over or whatever on, on this. And, you know, it says female icon and I'm like, uh, I, I, I mean, there's a bunch of amazing female icons out there.

 

Like I, you know, but you were like a personal, you know, experience and I'm like, I want, I wish I had a female icon experience that exceeds my Michael story, but I just don't. Okay. So she's my, like, you know, person to this day. Um, but, uh, you know, there's a lot of amazing people out there doing some great things and especially, you know, the whole female empowerment. Love that. But yeah, no.

 

So, but that's my, yeah, you're absolutely right. That's, that's my, that's my guy. That's your guy.

 

That's your, that's your icon. Um, I agree with you though, cause I don't have any female icons or female people that inspire me, no celebrities out there that I've met or haven't met. Like there's no one out there.

 

I'm like, Oh, that person gives me like, like inspiration right now. And I think that's why like female to female, we need to empower each other and support each other because it's unfortunate. Like we don't have female icons.

 

Like who is our icon? Like I don't have one too. Women need women, bottom line. Women need women.

 

We need each other. We need to be vocal. We need to talk about things, but icons.

 

Um, yeah, I don't, I don't have one either. A female icon. I don't have one. I mean, I wonder, I wonder, is it because of social media, which is another mental health? Yeah. Because, because there's too much, too much. And right.

 

Social media likes to expose a lot of bad in a person, even if it's not true. Right. Then it's like, well, how you get a dampened, like effect on these people.

 

And you're just like, well, okay. She's great. Or he's great.

 

But then they said this about her or him. So yeah. Like what's true, what's not.

 

And then you find out what's true, but then you're like, well, if something was said like that, but then again, like, I mean, I'm not going to say names though, because I don't want to say people's names, but I have a friend that, um, he's a basketball player or whatever, but he hangs out with a lot of celebrities. I'm not going to say names, a lot of models out there, people you, you probably are thinking here. And anyways, I said like, would you ever go for that person? Why haven't you dated that person? Right.

 

And he goes, Brittany, they don't look the same in person. Like that celebrity, you like, they don't look like that. Like their skin and hygiene is horrible.

 

Like, that's my point. I'm not saying names, but you know what I'm talking about? So I was like, really? They're gorgeous. She's gorgeous.

 

You wouldn't, you wouldn't date her. Cause you know, and it's crazy because before it used to be the opposite where like back in my day, when I was like really hanging around a lot of celebrities, I would be like, wow, they're way more beautiful in person, but we just, you know, we didn't have all this AI and editing and all of that, you know, back when I was like hanging out with those people. Um, and now I, I mean, it's still there cause my family, we're all still part of the entertainment industry.

 

Um, but yeah, it's like the reverse now because people doctor up there. I mean, I do it too. I try not to do it though so much because I do want to be authentically like myself, but you know, Hey, if I have like a big old thing right here and I could just erase it for the one photo, I'll do it.

 

But yeah, it's, it's crazy. Like, I'm like, you're smiling and there's no wrinkles in the photo. Even if you're you're a young person, you're going to have fine lines when you're smiling.

 

So come on. You know what? I don't know how to do it. So I just look like shit no matter what.

 

No, stop it. Oh, come on. And if something is on my face, then it's there for the picture.

 

It's there for life. Can I just say something? Giselle and Nikki has sparkles on her face right now. I did it for you today.

 

Oh my God. I love it. Oh, I see.

 

Yeah. The light's capturing it there. I was very excited for this interview.

 

She was so excited. I'm a model today. And every time we have somebody that is this exciting for me, I put sparkles on.

 

I've only put sparkles on two times now. Oh my gosh. Are those the, are those the, um, freckle sparkle things? So there's, uh, there's urban decay that I love.

 

Okay. Okay. But I ran out of urban decay.

 

So I had to go rummaging in my son's glitter box.